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My desperation is breaking my soul and my spirit shattered a long time ago. With nothing else to hold onto, I am forced to let go. This may mean no more to you than all the other expressions of depth I’ve tried to share, but I feel that without writing this last letter I’ll never know true closure. The depression of never knowing your love again is too great a burden to carry, quite simply, I can’t go on. The coldness and stabbing that I feel in accepting that you’re gone is my absolute hell on Earth, I don’t know what my crime was for this punishment but I’m assured it must have been great to have brought this upon me. My life will be forever changed because of your presence and even more so due to the lack there of, I thought I couldn’t live without you, now it looks as though I’ll have no choice- it’s the pain I’ll have to survive. But I have acknowledged that you are not mine to keep, I realize that your attention and affection is not something you are willing to share with me. ‘I want to tell you something, Jo. I’m not gay or bisexual. The only reason why I’ve never told you about the men I’ve been in relationships with is because you never asked me or even seemed slightly interested in my life.’ ‘What? Where is this coming from all of a sudden?’ ‘You know where it’s coming from, Jo.’ ‘No, I don’t know. If I knew I wouldn’t have asked you.’ ‘Jo, don’t play games with me this morning. I’m not in the mood. I heard you talking about me to your friend last night. Do you not like me or something?’ ‘Of course, I love you, Carmen. You’re my sister.’ ‘I know you love me as a sister, but it is possible for us not to like each other as a person, as an individual, understand?’ ‘Yes, I like you. But I must admit I am curious about your life. You never share anything with me, so I have no choice but to speculate.’ ‘You do have a choice, Jo. You can choose to come to me and simply ask me about my life. Instead, you chose to be like a lot of other people out here in.
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